* THE SELF LOVE CHALLENGE *

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I have never quite well understood why it was so hard for me to learn how to love myself. I have discovered the concept of self-development at the age of 17 and read a lot of books, listened to a lot of podcasts, attended many trainings, watched a big bunch of youtube videos about the subject and, 10 years after I still struggle with this.
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I surely know that some past experiences have led me to this insecure state but many many many many other people have experienced even worse things than me and they seem to feel quite good about themselves. Actually, what I have lived when I was a kid and a teen, everybody had experienced it (rejection, being made fun of, humiliation…) so it would seem that my very high sensitiveness to what is happening in life is giving me a hard time to let go of the past.
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Now, at the age of 28 I have decided that there are some things I don’t need anymore. I don’t need to pity myself, to play the victim, to be the small scared kid, to run away from social events like it was something that was burning my soul. I don’t need to be afraid of being rejected or criticized. I don’t want this in my life anymore. I know that there is more than this. And I deserve it.
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Soooooo I have decided to make a 1 week self-love challenge for myself but I would be extremly happy if you would join me in this. Next week (25.03.2019-> 31.03.2019) I will be applying some everyday steps to lead me to this self-love path. At the end of March I would be able to see what worked, where I have been struggling and where I had more success, what was easy, what wasn’t and why. 
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1. Let’s put aside criticism 
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« I shouldn’t have said that », « I should have done that yesterday, what a jerk of me », « Why are you so WEIRD ? WHYYYYY???! » : I basically tell myself all this things on a daily basis, no kidding. Well, well, well. Thanks to Marie Forleo’s youtube video I know that no matter what happen, everything is always figure-outable. Everything. Even if I didn’t do everything on my to-do-list yesterday, even if I acted like crazy in front of my boss, even if I accidentally lost a child I needed to take care of (:))… so what? No one is gonna die, nothind bad is gonna happen. I am not a robot. I don’t need to except myself to do everything. I need to understand what is important, what is urgent, what matters and what doesn’t.
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Plus, I judge a lot. I aways analyze what I am doing and if that’s fine, because on the one hand I know that can sometimes do better and change things if possible. BUT I also know I have (amazing) flaws such as being a very shy introvert, being weird, being clumsy, being lazy, being too anxious, being to attached to my comfort zone, being too attached to the opinion of others etc.
This week, every time I would hear myself saying negative things about myself I would stop, take a breath and simply ask myself the following question : « Would you say to a 3 year old that he is THIS/THAT? That he is not enough? That he should be more like others »? I really don’t think so. So if you wouldn’t tell such crap to others, why do you tell it to yourself? 
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But actually what if I had more qualities than flaws? Let’s check.
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nice / funny / cute / intelligent / curious / organized / brave / open-minded / loving to learn new things / taking initiative / always what to do the best / generous / I care about other / have a lot of hobbies and centers of interests / generous / can analyze things / trying her best to be fair / helpful / loyal / honest / reasonable / creative / imaginative / grateful
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Do a list of at least 10 qualities you know and embrace them (kiss kiss boum boum). Oh if you feel like you cannot find more that 2 you can find inspiration on the internet, there are many lists of qualities, that can help 🙂
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2. Let’s find a great goal and go get it
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Normally if we can read this post we have a computer, and we have internet connexion. That means that we live somewhere where almost everything is reachable (we can go for a walk, buy a snack, go to a gym class, learn stuff at the library etc). This means that whatever goal we want to reach we can do it (yep, even if I want to become the new lady gaga, it’s possible). I personally consider that life without having goal is not very interesting. A life with a goal and dream motivate ourselves and teach us determination and hard-work. But as it is written, to reach whatever goal you want you need to WORK FOR IT. You are capable of everything because you have all you need inside you to do so (you are bright, you are brave, you got this). So yes, the first thing is to realize that you are not less that someone else. If another person have reached his goal this does not mean that he is better than you, it simply means that IT’S POSSIBLE ! If he made it, you can make it too.
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Sometimes I think « I don’t have what it takes to do this » or « how on earth would I succeed in this »? Well actually this is all crappy self-talk (agaaaain). I have the power to be an amazing yoga student if I want to, I can be a great coach if I want to, I can be a great cook if I want to. I just need to believe it, believe in myself, even if others might think that my goals are jokes, I need first to understand that I am strong and that I amble able to have whatever I put my mind into. And so do you. Find yourself a cool goal you would like to achieve, and work for it. You will see how much better you feel about yourself, how proud and happy ya are.
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Also, in case I would work hard for something and notice that it always somehow seem to fail I would ask myself why, and see what changes would need to be done and adapt this to the situation. And try again.
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3. Avoid to compare
By accepting and loving the fact that I am unique, that there is no two me, I would be able to give the best version of myself to the world since no one can give that beside me. I have this particular way of talking, behaving that is just mine.
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This is why I never quite understood why there was so much hate in school or on the internet etc. I mean, people are different and that’s great. Wouldn’t it be boring if everybody would do what I do or had the same opinions or tastes as I do ? I would never learn anything, we would be robots and it  would be the WORST.
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You are unique. One beautiful piece of inside beauty in the world so why not using this power to be the happiest and healthiest you? Not only you would feel great but other would feel great to have you in their life. Win-win stuff.
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4. It’s not about perfection
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I have a hard time to accept that perfection does not exist. I look up to many amazing people and I am convinced that they are perfect : they seem to aways know what to say, how to behave, how to look amazing, what to do, what not to do. Well actually it’s not the case. Even the best ones make mistakes or do something clumsy sometimes. And you know what? It’s not the end of the world. Not only do we learn my making mistakes but we also allow us to be less « serious » all the time. This week I will try to do some silly things (well, not getting drunk and driving my dad’s car for example) but things like : waving good bye to people like an idiot when I get off the bus, dance for my cat even if he snobs me, sing loudly in the car (well actually I aways do that), do yoga in the park even if I don’t have the right clothes to do it etc. It’s gonna be scary I MEAN FUN. It’s gonna be fun. How about you?
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5. Do something nice for someone else
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I always think I am the center of attention, that my feelings and I, we are sooooo important. Well, actually most of the time I am quite invisible and people don’t even pay attention to me (sorry, what?). So instead of being always self-centered why not trying to talk to someone I don’t really know? Why not give a compliment to a nice looking-guy on the street (just kidding), why not giving something to someone, when the person doesn’t even expect it? Thinking about other people instead of myself will make me escape from my over-thinking habit and will be pleasant for someone else for once. What would you do this week?
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(PS : for these people who always take care of others, who always put first the needs and wishes of others, take this week to be more present for yourself – take time for yourself to rest, to go for a walk, to read, just do something that makes you happy), you deserve IT.
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If I would be able to incorporate this new actions to my daily life I would certainly be able to stick with them for longer. And that’s the goal. Replacing the bad habits by healthier ones will help myself on the long run and teach me how to be more gentle and loving for myself. Because it’s true when they say « How do you except someone to love you or you to truly love someone else if you are not capable of loving yourself first? ».
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I need to understand that learning how to love myself it’s not something that will happen overnight. It can take time and it takes work and even discipline (just like learning a new skill actually). Because there would be moments like « Omg I am SO amazing I love myself so much » and others when something bad would happen and I would feel down and I would be rather like « I am a catastrophe, I need a hole to hide now ! » and that’s okay. If I feel stressed or bad it’s okay, I will accept that but I won’t stay in this state for days. I would allow myself some hours to feel crapy and then I will do again all these exercices I have written above to lift me up. Talking to a loved-one also helps, big time.
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For next week, I would also write down some things on a notebook just not to forget some important points if needed.
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Please let me know if you would like to join this challenge and how it went. Also, if you feel like you are rather a confident person, please give us some advices that would be amaziiiing. Take good good care of yourself this week and the week after, and the week after that and the week after after that one too, lovely ones 🙂
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Alice

Une réponse sur “* THE SELF LOVE CHALLENGE *”

  1. I struggle with loving myself. But it is in this struggle I see that it’s okay to let people go who do not benefit you in anyway. You don’t have to be friends just for the sake of being polite. To love yourself you have to love what you choose to be around and what you can control to be around. Its a journey though, not a race. And like everything a little self criticism or hatred is okay in small doses as long as it doesn’t overcome. Beautifully written Alice. Well done!

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